I haven't written in a while. I guess I have some explaining to do. Sometime in May I went in to see my doctor. They told me I have to go through a medical board and they would decide my fate as a soldier. From that day, until now has been a lot of depression and anxiety filled days. Not really just for me, but for all the soldiers that remain here. There aren't many of us. Maybe 5 now. There's no one left on base. The commissary is closed and the shoppette has hardly any food. Not to mention the terrible heat wave. AC's don't exist here. Shame has gone out the window as everyone has to hang out in the barracks in their underwear. it's unbearable. I know the rest of the unit has it worse. They're in Iraq now. I've only been there for 2 weeks total and not at once, and I can say it's pretty bad, and I don't just mean heat. I can't imagine what they're going through being there for a year almost. I guess that's where some of the depression comes in. We want to be there with them. It's why I signed up. I want/need to be soldier.
I've made some really incredible friends since the unit left for Iraq. New soldiers coming in to a unit with no one really here. We've been given the most mundane tasks known to man. They've had a rough time. But, they have also moved down range. I had a great short time with them. I pray they all do ok when it's all over.
The medical board came back a couple weeks ago saying they don't want me anymore. The results came in the same day as another soldier's results. She got the same thing. She was happy about it! I feel like I got lumped in with her. She did everything she could to get out of working. Including faking an injury. I got treated that way my certain people. it angers me.
I do have something to look forward to though. I'll be headed out soon, but not home like originally planned. I call Eric often. He thought it would be a good idea if I came out there with him once I got out. He said he wanted to get married! As much as I want to go home... how can I pass this up? We've spent 10 months apart so far and still talk often. Alright! It's a deal! I'm going to New Mexico! Oh boy how can I say this to my mom and dad? I miss them so much and I swore I'd live with them until I was at least 30.
It's my last night. I've sold all my stuff. I've said my goodbye's. A group is taking me to the airport so I can say goodbye to them tomorrow.
This must be what bitter-sweet feels like. I don't want to leave. I'm not ready to stop being a soldier. I feel like I wasn't given a fair chance. I suppose it's ok. This must be what God wants. I guess this is me starting my life. Plus I get to see Eric again. While I don't think my parents will be too keen on living together before marriage, I think the situation is pretty unique. If I go home, I probably wont see him again. I don't think I could live my life wondering what I've missed out on. So I'm doing it. I'm leaving for New Mexico tomorrow to see my hunnee bunnee!
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