Happiness from Sadness

Since I've joined the army I've had a tough time. Strangely enough not from the Army itself. I'm doing better than I thought. It's the events that are happening during this time that make me struggle. But I have this paper with quotes I wrote in high school. They are actually pretty helpful.

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you deal with it is what makes the difference.

After my last entry I got a strange message delivered to me from my 1st sergeant. It actually came from the red cross. My papa passed away. He gave me permission to call home from his office. I had no idea how to call and my voice was too shaky to be able to ask him how. So I said I couldn't get through. Since I've only been here a week I didn't have any leave earned. I used my 2 weeks at home after the HRAP thing. So I couldn't go home. I just didn't say anything and walked back upstairs to my room. He sent 2 soldiers who I didn't know to console me. I was able to ask them how I can call home. They helped me and even paid for it. I could barely talk though so the conversation didn't last long.

My grandma told me once she was going to die. My mom's mom. She was a religious woman, like my parents and myself. She explained when it happens to be happy for her. She would never be sad or in pain, and she'd see her husband again and Jesus. She passed away not too long after that and I don't remember crying. Except for when my sister and cousin terri did. I felt like I had to. But I was happy for her. With Papa I'm just confused. Did he get that same chance? Is he pain free? Is he happy? I've been pretty unhappy these past days until my mom sent me this email. She is the best I know at wording things. I felt like I was at the funeral and even cried. But very happy tears. Happy and peaceful.

Hi sweetie:

I just thought I'd tell you about Pa's funeral today. Dad wrote the eulogy about how Pa always helped people and took care of his family and how his (dad's) faith caused him to believe that Pa went to Heaven because God touched him in the last few hours of his life.

Pastor then talked about Pa serving his country in the US Army and what a honorable man he was. Pastor really did an excellent job and said just the right things. He talked about the time he went to Pa's house and found Pa sitting on the porch. Pastor said he introduced himself as Glen's Pastor and Pa said, "Yeah, so what do you want?" Everyone laughed, knowing that Pa probably said those exact words. Pastor pointed out that Pa was up front and didn't pull any punches.

After Pastor talked about Pa and read some scriptures, he talked about the three most important things in life: God and how He is in control of everything. He pointed out that Pa is now completely in God's control. He said #2 was family and how important family was to Pa and #3 was church and he said that even though Pa wasn't a church-going man, church is important and how the church is part of Glen's family and how they are praying for him. It was good.

Then two Army corporals (I think) did the flag presentation. All during Pastor's talk, they stood behind him at attention. Afterward, the highest ranking officer introduced himself to the family and told us what would happen next. He said they would ask everyone to stand, then they would play taps. When they played taps, everyone stood up and put their hands over their hearts. Everyone that had been in the military before saluted during the whole song. Then the two officers marched formally to each end of Pa's casket, where the U.S. flag was draped over the coffin. They folded it up, then the lower officer handed it to the higher officer and saluted. The higher officer then marched over to Nanny, presented her with the flag and offered her condolences for the loss of their "comrade" on behalf of the United States Army and the President of the United States. He then saluted, pivoted and marched away. It was really a very nice ceremony. You would have been proud to be a soldier if you could have seen how beautiful it all was.

Anyway, I know you wanted to be here, so I thought I'd tell you the details. There weren't too many people there. Dad Holman and Anthony Cisneros were there as the funeral directors. Most of dad's weird "old looking" cousins were there, and about 5 or 6 people from Dad's office came to show their support.

Well sweetie, I'm gonna go for now. I'll mail you one of the flyers (or whatever they call it) in the next day or so. Take care ok.

I love you lots,

Mom

Oh how I love this woman. Greatest mommee ever. And my daddee giving a eulogy? He's shy like me and it's really hard to imagine. I'm proud he could stand in front of everyone and speak of his own father. God has blessed me with a great family.