Eric's MOS (job number) in the Army was 33W. He and other 33's are very proud of that and rightly so. So we usually keep an eye out for 33's. If it's cool looking, Eric will take a photo. His favorite I think is the 33 Club logo at Disney. Either that or the 33 beer. After nearly 13 years we didn't really see too many 33's.
A week after Eric got sick and was unconscious he coded. His body could not handle moving so transferring to a new hospital and swapping beds was hard on him, but it had to be done to get him more oxygen. The days ran together so I don't know how many days after, or even if it was the same day, but I started seeing 33's everywhere. The first few days I must've seen hundreds of them. It occurred to me maybe someone was trying to get my attention. I thought "ok God, what is this? Eric is 33 years old, please don't take him!"
I begged all day for God to tell me Eric was going to be okay, and that he'd give me a sign. That night, at home in bed, I heard a baby cry. Eric and I were going to attempt a baby come April. I thought it was a sign he'd be okay and that dream would become a reality. But when he died I brushed it off. Then something occurred to me recently. Eric and I have a baby in heaven. I was never sure how that worked with miscarriages. I just interpreted the sign wrong. Eric's not here, but he's ok and possibly with our baby.
Before I left Rockwall I hadn't come to this realization yet. I wasn't sure if heaven or God was in fact real. I never doubted it before, but when your world is turned upside down you tend to doubt everything until proven otherwise. I knew there had to be some kind of afterlife because of all the 33's I had been seeing. I had to sit and calculate the odds of these events happening and basically for just one days even the chances were 1 in 8 billion. So I knew Eric was there, but didn't know how or why. I told Eric that if he could follow me to Fresno and be with me wherever I go, he'd better let me know. "Not just a random 33, there better a lot of them!" Oh.... my... goodness....
The first half of day 1 I saw hundreds of 33's. So I decided to tell my mom what I told Eric.
Mom "Have you seen any yet?"
Me *points at the 33* *points at another* *another* *another*
It was like this the whole rest of the way. She was laughing her joyous laugh. They were everywhere and NOT random, just like I had asked for.
I believe those early 33's, after Eric's heart stopped, were in fact from him. His body wasn't gone, his brain was only partially damaged, so I can't explain that part. Maybe God takes people sometimes before their bodies go. That would certainly explain all those NDE's where people claim to have seen heaven. I'm a skeptic of that by the way, but I certainly wish those stories were true.
Needless to say, I no longer have doubts. I know Eric is safe and happy and I assume with our child. I know Eric is here with me when I need him. I thank God everyday for allowing that to even be possible. I understand that I can't be with him right now, but I will someday. It's comforting to know I have a family waiting for me.
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